


A Mirror of What I See

by SailorSolarr



Category: Gangsta. (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship/Love, Mental Instability, Non-Graphic Violence, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5181014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorSolarr/pseuds/SailorSolarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex must face her fears in order to save Nic & with that, she discovers her faith in him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Pulling at the collar of her shirt, Alex struggled to release shallow breaths from hollow lungs.

He stood at 5’9”

Dominating her from above like the coward he surely was.

Making her squirm like prey being cornered.

She wants to cry out, beg for help.

_Barry, why?_

Tears tinkering at the edge of her sea blue irises, realization setting in.

_This isn’t real_

Trying to muster up a single breath, Alex pushes through her pain to reach for the edge of her work desk, eyes scrambling to find the tranquilizers that will set her free of this nightmare.

Alex could hear the sound of her heart drumming throughout her body.

The loud thuds keeping her conscious of the horrors her mind was enduring.

Attempting to shut away the hallucination, she screwed her lids shut and brought both hands to her ears.

She was suddenly broken from her daze, panic halting to fear,

as the door swung open, revealing a pale Nicolas, clutching his abdomen.

Her eyes studied the sight in front of her.

Blood continuously spilled from the open wound, causing her to spring out of her current state & aid him to a place to lie.

Rushing to Nic’s side, Alex takes his large arm & throws it over her dainty shoulders.

His sheer mass becoming clear to her, she lies him on the couch.

Hauling ass to the kitchen, Alex grabs as many dish towels, as they owned.

Sprinting back over, she kneels beside the couch.

Her soft blue orbs meet with lifeless black ones.

Slow exhales are escaping Nic’s lips, shame creeping in on his features, he turns his sight away from Alex’s somber expression.

He knew what she was thinking but he didn’t have time to explain & even Alex knew that.

Her thoughts were focused on what to do, noticing how crimson was heavily seeping through his white button up causing it to cling to his lithe body.

Hands shaking & mind swirling, she tries to calm the loud thoughts still encroaching on her psyche.

Alex’s palms continued to sweat with terror & the cool air escaping her mouth tickled Nic’s open wound with how close she was, causing him to hiss.

Rag in hand; she places her delicate hands onto his belly, blotting away the excess blood.

Groaning in pain through gritted teeth, he gestures for the med kit above the file cabinet.

She swiftly moves from her kneeling position, and sprinted towards its spot.

Eyes growing weary, she grabs it and plops back down.

It was way too late in the evening to call in Dr. Theo for this one.

Everything was solely on Alex whether or not Nicolas lives through tonight.

 

**_Just hold on_** , she signed to him.

Moving as fast as physically possible, she prepped the needle & thread as well as lots of gauze for cleaning.

Alex snaps on a pair of latex gloves and eyes him.

Nicolas still seemed to keep a decent composure, even when he was clearly suffering.

Alex perceived it would be best to follow his lead & relax.

She gestured to Nico, asking for permission to get a better look at the gash.

He reluctantly unbuttoned the rest of the way, staring directly at

Alex unfazed by the action.

His actions made it clear he wasn’t so sure about this or her but he had no choice.

 Nic grumbles once more than tried to form a sentence but instead proceeded with “Be careful”

Patting down the area once more with a damp cloth, Alex steadies her hand with the tweezers.

Beads of sweat began forming at the bridge of her kitten-like nose as she pierced his porcelain stained skin.

Alex steadied her motions, mentally coaching her self.

“Almost there, Nico”, she whispered.

Eyeing the needle and thread, she wished for Worick’s quick return so she wouldn’t have to endure this much longer.

Alex couldn’t stand to watch this man suffer.

Nearing the end, Alex’s hands began to shake, alerting Nicolas.

He sprang back into full consciousness, studying her face.

With a rapid move, he gently placed his hand on top of her gloved one.

**_It’s okay, you’re okay_** , Nic signed.

Alex stared into him, eyes brimming with the same tears that threatened her earlier.

She refocused & finished with no issues.

Alex patched his stomach and stood to retrieve a clean shirt for the wounded man.

She wiped her brow of the stress she just endured.

Her sight focused in on a white tee, lazily hanging off his bed & retrieved it for

Alex rounded the corner to a sleeping Nicolas.

She placed herself back on the floor next to him.

His face had finally fallen lax from its usual roughness.

Nic’s raven black hair hung lazily to one side & his pale lips, glistened.

Alex allowed herself to get carried away, and extended the back of her palm to meet his face.

Smooth, milk chocolate skin meeting a silky, cream cheek.

The contact was immediately cut off when Nicolas sharply grabbed her delicate wrist & held her face close to his.

He releases her but never breaks his stare.

**_If you need a bed, go use mine_** , he signs

Alex’s face fell in anguish.

She looked in the direction of the hallway towards his room.

Before she could turn back and fight Nic on it, he already turned over & went back to sleep.

As the room fell silent, Barry’s voice in her head began to get clearer in volume.

Huffing, she looped behind her desk to grab the tiny pill bottle she was desperately in search of earlier.

Quickly, Alex obtains the small tab & pops one down the back of her throat.

With that, she swallowed the pill & her sorrows.

Mentally accepting her fate, she slowly sashayed down the hall, taking off a heel at a time before approaching the foyer.

Relaxing into her surroundings, she approached a single floor lamp, dimly lighting the empty room.

Nic didn’t have much in his room, just a bed, a side table & small bookshelf.

Around the room were little things that made it clear it belonged to Nicolas Brown.

He has his weights & a pair of boxing gloves in a small corner, a rack that held his essentials, a few shirts, a few pants, his one pair of shoes & his sheathed sword in another corner.

Upon entering, Alex was met with an intoxicating scent that crept through her outer shell to her core.

She noted it had to be Nicolas’, though she’s never had a proper whiff of the 30-year-old man.

Nicolas would never allow her to get that close, & she wouldn’t dare to try.

Though in this moment, she wanted to bathe herself in that scent.

She followed its intensity, like a dog sniffing out lunch.

She slid her shirt over her silk black locks, exposing a tight cami, holding her plump breasts in place.

Alex then shimmied her bottom out of the restricting denim, still inching towards where the smells lead her.

Climbing onto the bed like a minx, Alex sat back on her feet, hands in her lap.

_Where is it coming from?_

Getting on all fours, she sniffed the comforter, finding what she’s been looking for.

_Yes_

Her body went numb as she lay underneath and snuggled further into the layers of the bed.

Alex’s mind became weary to the smell, making her vision fuzz.

_I could get used to this…_

And with that she knotted off, cuddling Nicolas’ pillow to her cheek, as if the scent would somehow disappear overnight.


	2. Bad Habit(s)

Alex jolted straight up from the sound of thunder cracking outside the window. Her sweet dream had slipped her memory, snuggling her nose to the blanket. Wiping

the sleep from her sluggish gaze, she wondered where her two companions could possibly be on such a horrid day. Slipping from under the comfort of a certain

someone’s aroma, she tiptoed to the hallway, feeling a slight headache coming on. It had been a little less than 16 hours since her last dose. She scurried to the small

filing cabinet under her desk, trying to still her thoughts so she wouldn’t awake anyone who may be lingering in the small apartment. Alex plopped her bum in the 

chair, swiveling her direction to the draw that contained her tranquilizers. _**“Are you afraid of becoming like me?”**_ a voice so harsh tainted all clarity in Alex’s thought

process. She knew the voice. It had always been the same one. She wasn’t ready to face Barry. Not today, not ever. Discovering the tiny medicine bottle, she dumps

the container’s remnants to the back of her throat. No more, she thought, no more of you inside of my head _**“You’re already the monster that you’re so afraid of”**_ ,

Barry taunted. Slowly in and out of consciousness, she began to realize what she had done. Alex began to cry and asphyxiate. She gasped, gaining nothing but

shallow breaths as she gripped the desk. Losing sight of the room, Alex swore she felt the sensation of floating. Alex no longer had control over her weight, swaying

back, head meeting the floor with a loud thud. Her last glint of sight gave way to Nicolas’ eyes, horror and shock mingling in the irises. Al’s weak frame held no

structure as she was lifted into Nic’s arms. That smell was the last thought she had before the room disappeared. White ceiling and mint green curtains welcomed

Alex back to life. Instantly, she knew where she was but why and how was the fuzzy part. She began swallowing breath like a baby collecting air into their lungs for

the first time. It felt good and strange all at the same time and the sensation brought tears to Alex’s hazel eyes. How? She was alone in the small apartment, right?

Who could of gotten to her in time? All her questions were washed away at the sight of a very serious Nic, back firmly pressed in a wooden chair. All his attention was

focused on reading the book gracefully placed in his left hand. Nicolas peered into her direction, eyes ghosting over Alex’s every feature. His demeanor immediately

went slack, as if relieved. Alex flood of emotions never prompted her to stop the tears from rolling pass her jaw and down her neck. She knew he was bound to scold

her somehow, in his own way of course and she would accept it whole-heartedly. Alex knew all this was his doing and she couldn’t be happier to just see a new day

regardless of the constant circumstances they all face everyday in Ergastulum. Alex would honestly put up with this hell if it meant those two men would be standing

in the pits with her. They were her family. Worick ripped back the curtain, breaking the intensity of Nic’s gaze. “Oh, thank god! Al-chan is finally awake!” he sighed in

relief, flashing that devilish grin of his. She swore that was the most handsome feature to Worick, relieved she was able to see him smile like that again. Alex found

herself appreciating the little things but she knew she needed to heal and get better, not just for herself but also for the sake of her comrades. Her love for them was

indescribable. She worried for them like a mother, patch them back up like a sister and cared for them like a lover. Dr. Theo gave her a quick check to make sure she

was stable enough to be released and prescribed her something not as strong but worked in ways that would suppress the episodes. It was better this way, Alex

knew she was better off without the drugs; it would just take time and adjustment. She had to face her demons head on. They headed home in silence, well Al & Nic

were. Worick was chatting up a storm, merely to take away the seriousness of the situation. He was really good of making light of any scenario, mainly because he

understood Alex’s pain. “Well, lovebirds, I must leave you two at the nest for a few hours. Will you two be able to handle that?” Worick questioned as he continued

walking, winking in their direction. He disappeared into a backstreet, leaving the two in front of the apartment steps. They proceeded into the house, Alex releasing

a sigh she had been holding in since they left Dr. Theo’s. Suddenly, she was pinned to the wall by her forearm, held there by Nicolas’ strong grip. **“WHY?”** he yelled at

her, shaking with anger. Alex had no explanation. A mere hazy memory of what happened was what she was left with.

_Dammit, I don’t know._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had finished this chapter last night & debated on whether or not to post it on here since I'm new to AOO but since the first chapter was thoroughly enjoyed, here it is.  
> Feedback is always welcome.  
> Thanks again,xoxo.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoy this pairing & decided it needed a depiction of all the circumstances they will have to overcome in order to better understand one another.


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